Why Does Trump Trigger Me? I'm not even an American!
I haven’t seen my brother since. To be fair, it wasn’t like we had much to lose in our relationship. I had left the cult 15 years earlier, which meant I was officially an “outsider”. I was now “them” vs his “us”. The fact that I went on to help spearhead a lawsuit against his cult’s largest affiliated institution didn’t help matters much. After that, I was lucky to get a Christmas card from him.
The next four years passed by in a blur. In terms of politics, I tried to live with thumbs in my ears singing “la-la-la-la-la” to block out the insanity south of our border. But as anyone with working eyes and ears knows, that was impossible. Near the end of his term, I couldn’t even stand the sight of Trump, much less the sound of his voice.
I just kept thinking, it’s almost over. They’ll vote him out. Trump will soon be a distant bad memory.
Then, in November 2020, during those fateful days of horrifying uncertainty while the presidential vote was too close to call, I was in tears for days. I couldn’t understand what was happening. How could it be so close? How so many millions possibly support him?
Nothing made sense.
All I knew was that I couldn’t stop crying. Which also made no sense. Why was I so triggered by an American politician?
Since 2020, I’ve slowly come to understand my visceral reaction to Trump. In a nutshell, he reminds me of my cult leaders. They looked and sounded nothing like him. But they wielded so much power and influence that we members followed them blindly.
No matter what they decreed, we believed without question.
You say my “Sister Act” CD is sinful because there is a beat in the music? Ok, go ahead and confiscate it. I must have been too rebellious when I bought it.
You say the end times are near? Sure, I’ll spend several month’s salary on survival gear if that’s God’s will.
You fired me because of my bulimia? Sure, I’ll go without pay indefinitely, until you decide I’ve repented.
At the time, I didn’t even question my leaders’ decrees. Looking back now, I see clearly that our cult hijacked our ability to think for ourselves. But there were only a few hundred of us.
The problem is that unlike my cult leaders, Trump and his sycophantic henchmen are influencing the minds of millions.
What shocks me most is that Trump’s base is largely comprised of Christians who inexplicably overlook all his glaring faults. He couldn’t be further from the example set by Jesus in the Bible stories. And yet here we are, in a world where many Christians are convinced that Trump is God’s ordained leader of the USA and that a vote for Trump is a vote for Jesus. Which means that anyone voting against him is in league with Satan.
And caught up in that herd of lemmings racing towards the cliff are voters like my brother.
It will be a long time before I can make sense of all of this. But for now, all I can do is sound my own little alarm bells.
Just last week my editor flagged the sentence in my upcoming memoir where I mentioned my brother’s voting choice. She wrote in the margins:
“Is this necessary to include? Politics have not featured so far and are not part of the conversation.”
I stopped to consider her concerns. I could easily take out the sentence and stick to my lane. After all, my memoir is primarily about religious trauma. But it didn’t take me long to decide my preferred course of action.
Below her comment I wrote the following reply:
“It’s a statement that highlights the chasm between us and the fact that I can no longer accept (or even comprehend) his belief system – or that of any Christian who would support someone who lies with every breath.”
At this point, I don’t know if my publisher will agree with me. I know it’s easier to leave politics out of conversations if possible. Especially when they are polarizing. But since religion is being used to manipulate millions of God-fearing people to vote for the least God-fearing human on the planet, I think the time for keeping quiet is over.
My brother will continue to vote according to the dictates of his religious leaders. As will countless evangelical Christians. But I sure hope enough Americans come to their senses during the next 5 weeks or this might be their last chance.
That’s not me being hyperbolic. Just recently, my Canadian ears also heard Trump tell his crowd. “Get out and vote, just this time”, adding that “you won’t have to do it anymore.”
Red flag much?
If I still prayed, I’d be begging God for a Harris/Walz win on November 5. Since I’m more of a confused exvangelical, I’m just hoping that democracy prevails.
I’m pretty sure that the universe has also had enough of his nonsense.
